Why Can’t I Get a Girlfriend? 17 Ways to Improve Yourself

“Why can’t I get a girlfriend?” If you think this question often, you are not alone. Many guys have struggled with getting a girlfriend and keeping one, regardless of the way they look, act, and compete in the world. If you’d like some reasons, be prepared to face harsh truth – it may not simply be that the world is ‘unfair,’ or that girls only go for bad boys. Instead, the bulk of the reasons may lie within you. Be ready to take an objective look at yourself. This doesn’t mean for you to tear yourself apart; instead, focus on constructive criticism and ways to improve yourself beyond your current status. Thus, here are seventeen potential reasons why you can’t get a girl, and the ways you can improve or reverse those trends to help guide you towards the success you want.

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  1. Start with external appearances. Though this may be shallow, we all judge people’s books by their covers. This is true with women and men. Though looks may not be a dealbreaker for many women, there is a minimum line you must hit in order to be in the game. Are you overweight and out of shape? Do you not take care of your hygiene? Do you not care for your appearance? If you answer yes to any of these questions, you are sabotaging yourself before you even start. Luckily, these problems are relatively easy to solve – lose weight, work out, and take care of your appearance.
  2. How are your clothes? You don’t need to wear fancy and expensive gear every time you want to meet a woman. You do have to look presentable though – you may think your ratty jeans and t-shirts say something about your ‘unique’ and ‘independent’ outlook on life, but the only statement they make is a negative one. Develop a personal style and stick to it.
  3. Are you spending time with women? If you sit around your house all day, what do you expect? You’ll never meet a woman if you don’t interact with them. Luckily, there are plenty of places to do this. Start with places you yourself like to hang out. Finding a woman who enjoys the same hobbies and interests as you will really get the ball rolling rather than finding some random woman whom you know nothing about. If you’re having trouble meeting people in person, why not try online?
  4. Improve your attitude. If you sit around all day whining, “why can’t I find a girlfriend,” you’ve probably answered your question if you just look at your own behavior. Stop having a negative attitude, stop blaming the world for your problems, and take control of your own destiny. Have an internal locus of control, not an external locus of control.
  5. A lot of our success and failure in life is due to our attitudes and beliefs about ourselves and our abilities. If you constantly go around thinking, “I can’t get a girlfriend,” then you’re most likely not going to get one for the sole reason that you believe this. To change your outcomes, you need to change your beliefs. This is why having a strong inner game, or belief in yourself, is so important. You won’t go anywhere without this foundation, so repeat positive affirmations every day whenever you can to help reprogram your subconscious for success.
  6. Improve your behavior. Are you a loudmouth? Are you brash? Do you put people off? Are you arrogant or standoffish? Are you abusive in anyway? Be honest with yourself, and ask trusted friends and family for their honest opinions. Then change your behavior to be more caring, patient, humble, and empathetic.
  7. If you are shy, don’t see this as a negative thing. By being shy you are not hurting other people as you would be with the above ‘arrogance,’ but you are hurting yourself by taking you out of the game without even a fight. Learn ways to cope and break out of your shyness. You don’t have to be someone you’re not – you just need to give yourself opportunities to succeed without remaining constantly withdrawn.
  8. How are your listening and conversational skills? If you can’t hold an intelligent conversation, or, worse, you hold a conversation too well on your end, you may need to improve your skills. First and foremost, improve your listening skills. This will bring you 80% of the way in a conversation. The more the other person talks, the more she will like you, strangely enough.
  9. Don’t give up. There are plenty of fish in the sea, so don’t get hung up on one girl if things don’t work out the way you wanted them too. Keep persevering, keep your head held high, and be the best you can be. And don’t give up!
  10. Perhaps you’re boring. Be honest with yourself. Can you talk about interesting things? Can you connect with others? Or are you a shut-in? If you can find someone who shares your proclivities, great, but for most people it’s best if you try to expand your horizons a bit.
  11. Are you in touch with your emotions? If you can’t understand your own emotions, how will you understand hers?
  12. Do you know your goals for dating? If you don’t even know what you want in a woman or in your life, how will you ever find someone to share your journey with? Do some self assessment to figure out where you’ve been, where you are, and where you’re going.
  13. Are you confident? Girls love confidence in a man, so fake it till you make it. Improve your body language and voice tone. Be who you want to be in the way you carry yourself and interact with others.
  14. Do you have too much fun? Or do you not have enough? If you have no ambition, why would a quality woman want to spend time with you? And if you have too much, how will you be able to spend time with anyone, much less yourself? Find the perfect fun/work balance in your life and make sure one doesn’t totally dominate the other.
  15. Do you drink too much or have other bad habits that may be pushing women away? Resolve to improve them and fix what could be ailing you.
  16. Are you funny? Women love a good sense of humor. Work on your comedic skills and timing to increase your ‘wittiness’ and become a better conversationalist.
  17. Be yourself, but be your best self. In order to change, you need to accept yourself. This is paradoxical but true. You won’t know what you need to change without understanding ‘who you are.’ In the end, being ‘who you are’ isn’t something to be proud of. Instead, be the person you want to be IN SPITE of being ‘who you are.’

Have any more ways to improve and ideas on how to get a girlfriend? Leave them in the comments. And be sure to check out this video for more tips and secrets on how to get a girl.

10 thoughts on “Why Can’t I Get a Girlfriend? 17 Ways to Improve Yourself”

  1. meeting women today is hard for a straight man like me. just by the way they act now, makes it so much difficult to meet a decent one. they are very nasty when i try to talk to them, and have a very bad attitude as well. where i live, many of them are lesbians today. so where can a good sincere man go to meet a good woman now?

  2. Women today only care about your looks, money and what their friends think. First off they can’t even go to the bathroom by themselves. They have been conditioned to treat you like dirt for fun by television and media, the law tells them after marriage they can take half your stuff and do this with 100% approval from their peers. If you are not what society says is good looking, rich, witty and desireable forget it. Don’t try to be nice either, women don’t care. They look at you with contempt, they hate your guts and are proud of it. Your best bet is to concentrate on yourself, work hard, make money do things you like to do and try to be happy. I’m forty and have had my heart ripped out several times, I’m not fat, not ugly, have an educaton and am pretty well off. My house is nice, I own a farm as well, and pretty much everything I want. The best thing is it is paid for. Yes I do get lonesome sometimes but this is better than losing everything I’ve worked for in a divorce, it’s also better than someone else raising my children that I don’t know and living in my house. I know this may sound bad but the truth is being alone is better than being in a bad relationship with one of those heartless creatures. Trust me.

  3. you are right on the money with that comment. i was married twice at one time. my first wife cheated on me after being with her for fifteen years. i never cheated on her because i had no reason too, since i was very happy and loved her very much at the time. my second wife is bipolar and she was always very moody most of the time. plus, she had a very bad habit of spending money. she put me into a bankrupt situation, and i lost a hell of a lot of money. now that i am single again, i will just go out and have a good time. many women are so dam rotten anyway, so meeting a good one again will be very hard. the problem is, we have just too many low life loser women out there, which are not worth meeting anyway. years ago, women were certainly much more educated. then again, their parents raised them very well. meeting women years ago was certainly a lot easier, than now. today, these women need to read a book on how to be smart and talk to men the right way. the way i look at it now, many of them are just losers to begin with. and like i have said with my last comment, many of them are without a doubt lesbians today.

  4. I’m in middle school and I have all of the good qualities listed above I’m pretty funny I know what I want I am pretty confident but I’m a little shy though just got rejected by a beautiful girl, I spent a lot of time with her made jokes she laughed we have secrets and I am like her best guy friend I think the reason I got rejected is because I was way too far in the friend zone. I haven’t had a girl in 2 years and I am pretty depressed right now, need help!

  5. alex, just enjoy being with your friends, enjoy your life, and just have a good time. since your only in middle school, just wait for the right one to come along, it will happen.

  6. Women today ar very rude, mean, greedy and everything else negative. Forget about treatng them with respect, it’s better to just have your fun with them and then let cut them loose. If you ever think about getting serious with one of them just remember to have a good lawyer in your corner.

  7. gary, you are absolutely right on that one. women are just so mean, and down right nasty with that attitude problem that they have today. what losers they are.

  8. Sheesh. Youuu whinin’ mothafuckas! Listen to you all, boohoohoo-ing about how there aren’t any good women out there! Well fellas, it’s time you heard it from a girl for yourselves: you’re RIGHT. There aren’t many awesome women out there, JUST like there aren’t many awesome guys out there. When you do find one, it will most likely be in a situation where it’s difficult to approach us, por ejemplo when we’re out in a group of friends of mixed sexes, or out with our girls (read: lynchmob for men). So let me tell you what to do in either of those situations…

    Go to a bar / restaurant and set up shop: read: get something to eat and a drink, scan the room. Bring a book..NOT on an electronic device but an actual book…this will come into play later… Give it about half an hour to 45 minutes, and pick out a girl you think you have your best chance with–she should NOT be the most attractive one in the room physically, but should look like the most fun / interesting.–that’s who you’ll find a connection with. SO, once that’s done, buy her a drink. What kind of drink? Do this after you’ve noted what she is presently drinking–wine, liq, or das beer, and of course if you have reason to think she’s single (no ominous bf lurking with his arm around her chair, etc) Tell the waitstaff that the bartender can “pick out something fun and fruity, get creative” if its wine or liq. If it’s beer, you’re fucked cause we’ll judge you to be a poossay if we’re woman enough to drink a stout and you get us an IPA.
    2. Secret weapon: buy the rest of her posse a mixed appetizer / mixed dessert tray, and make sure the waitstaff knows that it is for the whole group, not just her. BOOM. This over the top gesture does MANY things: 1. Makes her think you’ve got money. 1.5: makes her friends approve of you. 2. Obligates her to come speak to you to thank you… a drink by itself may get you a wave and a mouthed “thank you!”, but buying her friends food–that’s a golden ticket right there for a one way ride on the “Lindsay you have to walk over to him right now! Seriously! Look at him!! Linds I will not speak to you for the rest of the night unless you …blah blah blah”
    3. When she comes over, (this follows the part where, once eye contact is established, you smile lazily / confidently while leaning back in your chair and gesture with a casual hand wave to come say hello) Invite her to sit, and reassure her that you were just leaving (this should be true–your plate should be cleared and your check paid–you need to be ready to physically depart from the table). Then, Compliment the fuck out of the way she looks, and do it wrapped in a compliment about her personality UNIQUE to HER. Like such: “Well, I was just about to head out, but I saw you a little bit ago, and something about you, maybe your laugh, or … something about your smile, just blew me away. Well, have a nice night.” and start to leave, “accidentally” leaving your book on the table.
    Muahhhhaahahaaa… The girl, if she’s worth having, will either try to stop you without even noticing the book, or, will notice the book and try to catch you on your way out. This will lead to either a natural conversation, or, if she’s interested, her asking you about the book. If she’s not interested, she’ll find her way back to her table and you’ll be short about $15 from the whole shebang and can retrieve your book in a couple minutes.

    If I were to meet a guy who was worth dating, it would be this way. If he played his cards right, I might even blow him that same night. Who knows. Point is, we’re out here. Stop whining and start doing something.

  9. Okeefers, that’s absolutley mental. The worlds complicated enough as it is to go around orchestrating plans of such grandiose to complete strangers. Perhaps that idea is for a certain type of man to attract a certain type of women. It’s certainly not for me. What ever happened to talking to people, on a level, no money, no fronts, just human interaction? As opposed to orchestrating these sneeky, indirect plans whilst likely putting on a cool, slick, yet fake, front. The worlds so messed up and complicated ha! That’s why I can’t get a girl, I’m fuckin jaded!

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