“Why can’t I get a girlfriend?” If you think this question often, you are not alone. Many guys have struggled with getting a girlfriend and keeping one, regardless of the way they look, act, and compete in the world. If you’d like some reasons, be prepared to face harsh truth – it may not simply be that the world is ‘unfair,’ or that girls only go for bad boys. Instead, the bulk of the reasons may lie within you. Be ready to take an objective look at yourself. This doesn’t mean for you to tear yourself apart; instead, focus on constructive criticism and ways to improve yourself beyond your current status. Thus, here are seventeen potential reasons why you can’t get a girl, and the ways you can improve or reverse those trends to help guide you towards the success you want.
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- Start with external appearances. Though this may be shallow, we all judge people’s books by their covers. This is true with women and men. Though looks may not be a dealbreaker for many women, there is a minimum line you must hit in order to be in the game. Are you overweight and out of shape? Do you not take care of your hygiene? Do you not care for your appearance? If you answer yes to any of these questions, you are sabotaging yourself before you even start. Luckily, these problems are relatively easy to solve – lose weight, work out, and take care of your appearance.
- How are your clothes? You don’t need to wear fancy and expensive gear every time you want to meet a woman. You do have to look presentable though – you may think your ratty jeans and t-shirts say something about your ‘unique’ and ‘independent’ outlook on life, but the only statement they make is a negative one. Develop a personal style and stick to it.
- Are you spending time with women? If you sit around your house all day, what do you expect? You’ll never meet a woman if you don’t interact with them. Luckily, there are plenty of places to do this. Start with places you yourself like to hang out. Finding a woman who enjoys the same hobbies and interests as you will really get the ball rolling rather than finding some random woman whom you know nothing about. If you’re having trouble meeting people in person, why not try online?
- Improve your attitude. If you sit around all day whining, “why can’t I find a girlfriend,” you’ve probably answered your question if you just look at your own behavior. Stop having a negative attitude, stop blaming the world for your problems, and take control of your own destiny. Have an internal locus of control, not an external locus of control.
- A lot of our success and failure in life is due to our attitudes and beliefs about ourselves and our abilities. If you constantly go around thinking, “I can’t get a girlfriend,” then you’re most likely not going to get one for the sole reason that you believe this. To change your outcomes, you need to change your beliefs. This is why having a strong inner game, or belief in yourself, is so important. You won’t go anywhere without this foundation, so repeat positive affirmations every day whenever you can to help reprogram your subconscious for success.
- Improve your behavior. Are you a loudmouth? Are you brash? Do you put people off? Are you arrogant or standoffish? Are you abusive in anyway? Be honest with yourself, and ask trusted friends and family for their honest opinions. Then change your behavior to be more caring, patient, humble, and empathetic.
- If you are shy, don’t see this as a negative thing. By being shy you are not hurting other people as you would be with the above ‘arrogance,’ but you are hurting yourself by taking you out of the game without even a fight. Learn ways to cope and break out of your shyness. You don’t have to be someone you’re not – you just need to give yourself opportunities to succeed without remaining constantly withdrawn.
- How are your listening and conversational skills? If you can’t hold an intelligent conversation, or, worse, you hold a conversation too well on your end, you may need to improve your skills. First and foremost, improve your listening skills. This will bring you 80% of the way in a conversation. The more the other person talks, the more she will like you, strangely enough.
- Don’t give up. There are plenty of fish in the sea, so don’t get hung up on one girl if things don’t work out the way you wanted them too. Keep persevering, keep your head held high, and be the best you can be. And don’t give up!
- Perhaps you’re boring. Be honest with yourself. Can you talk about interesting things? Can you connect with others? Or are you a shut-in? If you can find someone who shares your proclivities, great, but for most people it’s best if you try to expand your horizons a bit.
- Are you in touch with your emotions? If you can’t understand your own emotions, how will you understand hers?
- Do you know your goals for dating? If you don’t even know what you want in a woman or in your life, how will you ever find someone to share your journey with? Do some self assessment to figure out where you’ve been, where you are, and where you’re going.
- Are you confident? Girls love confidence in a man, so fake it till you make it. Improve your body language and voice tone. Be who you want to be in the way you carry yourself and interact with others.
- Do you have too much fun? Or do you not have enough? If you have no ambition, why would a quality woman want to spend time with you? And if you have too much, how will you be able to spend time with anyone, much less yourself? Find the perfect fun/work balance in your life and make sure one doesn’t totally dominate the other.
- Do you drink too much or have other bad habits that may be pushing women away? Resolve to improve them and fix what could be ailing you.
- Are you funny? Women love a good sense of humor. Work on your comedic skills and timing to increase your ‘wittiness’ and become a better conversationalist.
- Be yourself, but be your best self. In order to change, you need to accept yourself. This is paradoxical but true. You won’t know what you need to change without understanding ‘who you are.’ In the end, being ‘who you are’ isn’t something to be proud of. Instead, be the person you want to be IN SPITE of being ‘who you are.’
Have any more ways to improve and ideas on how to get a girlfriend? Leave them in the comments. And be sure to check out this video for more tips and secrets on how to get a girl.Tags: dating, girlfriends, self improvement